The Belkins Van-A True Story of Finding a Higher Power

Larry listened to the AA recovery story of Carla without relating to much of what she said, except on the topic of a Higher Power. Carla had a tragic story of violence, prostitution, and homelessness as a result of her drinking and drug use. Carla didn't want any hint of any kind of God in her recovery. She said, "If there is a God, how could all those horrific things have happened to me? And if there is a God, He sure as h*** hasn't helped me so far, so why should I start believing now?" Carla's sponsor, however, insisted that she find something to make her Higher Power. Carla looked out the window just as a Belkins moving van was rolling past. In a moment of rebellious temper, Carla boldly announced that the Belkins van would be her Higher Power. She was surprised when her sponsor cheerfully accepted her choice.

As Carla's story unfolded, Larry heard how a Belkins moving van seemed to go by whenever Carla was struggling with an urge to drink or drug, or when she encountered an old, abusive boyfriend on the street who tried to woo her back into a relationship, or when she was really mad at someone because of a comment she thought had been directed at her. Each time Carla saw the Belkins van, she would think some more about her options and would make choices based on her recovery rather than the self-destructive behavior she was about to take. Carla began to believe that these "coincidences" were more than that, and she began to develop a concept of a Higher Power, a spiritual presence in her life.

Larry was impressed by the story, but didn't think it would apply to his life. He joked with his friends about it, yet what happened to Carla just seemed stuck in his mind. Several months later, he went with some friends to a recovery conference high in the Rocky Mountains. He enjoyed the few days in the mountain air, the hiking, and the people he met, but he still didn't quite relate to the God stuff in people's stories. Driving toward home with his friends when the conference was over, he was taking his turn in the back seat as they headed toward one of several mountain passes. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge thunderstorm blew up, and they were caught in a combination of wind, lightening, hail, and rain. His friends were debating the merits of pulling onto the shoulder, next to a drop-off of several hundred feet, versus continuing to drive in near-zero visibility.

Just then, through the pouring rain, Larry saw, on the other side of the road, a Belkins moving van. He felt a sense of calm that he hadn't experienced in years, quickly followed by the excitement of a heartfelt "aha!" He knew they were going to be okay. He yelled to his friends, "Look! There's a Belkins van! We're going to make it!" His friends looked at him as if he had just arrived from another planet, but Larry didn't care. He felt safe and knew that his journey to find a Higher Power had begun right then.

Reprinted by permission of the American Bar Association.