| THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM Surviving Holiday Stress – You Don’t Have to Eat the Fruitcake If You Don’t Want To By: Leota Embleton and Doron Gold It seems as though Summer only just departed and here comes the Christmas music and shopping frenzy. The holidays bring with them the promise of warm nights by the fire with family and friends, seeing your children’s eyes light up when they open that perfect present on Christmas morning and the overall contented feeling associated with connecting to many of the things that matter to you most, whether they be personal, spiritual or otherwise. However, as though being a lawyer wasn’t challenging enough, the holiday season can be a time of added stress for many, and not just because of the fruitcakes. Lawyers have very busy schedules at the best of times so the additional pressures of holiday events and expectations can be very overwhelming to many. We at the Ontario Lawyers’ Assistance Program (OLAP) field calls from lawyers facing a variety of stressors during the holidays. Based on our experience, here are a few tips for keeping it all in perspective: Managing Expectations: "All of us walk around with these fuzzy ideal images of how a great family holiday should be," says Dr. Richard Earle, PhD, Managing Director of The Canadian Institute of Stress/Hans Selye Foundation. "Down below these images are the images of how things are really going," he explains. "When the gap between the two images is really small, then what you're imagining can feel really motivating. When the gap between what you envision and what you really have is big, however, this creates a lot of stress." It follows that keeping your expectations realistic and using discretion in what you do and not do can make a world of difference for you. You are not obligated to attend every office or family event. Learn to say ‘No’ to invitations and parties that overwhelm you or for which you simply do not have time. Oh, and don’t expect a Rolls Royce as a gift from someone who has a Yugo budget. It really is the thought that counts. Dealing with family: Be realistic. For most, valuing and nurturing family relationships is their highest aspiration. While spending time with members of your family is very important and can be richly rewarding and emotionally soothing, it’s not always wine and roses when the clan gets together. So plan ahead and think about what to expect. Is one member of the family particularly critical of you or relentless in their curiosity about areas of your life you’d rather not delve into? Do others take the captive audience at dinner as an opportunity to stir up lingering disputes? Goodness knows, lawyers participate in or referee enough of those the rest of the year. Holiday time should be peaceful and fun. To avoid having turkey time turn into a turkey of a time, think about and plan your reactions to potentially sticky situations before you go. Also, consider how you’ll deal with others’ conflicts so as to not let them ruin your enjoyment. For instance, prepare other things to talk about in order change the subject when needed. Anticipate potential touchy subjects and avoid them. Even if you encounter someone who’s not your favourite person, try your best not to make an issue of it but don’t pretend that all is well either. Set limits that you are comfortable with when it comes to family events. Financial Pressures: Know your spending limit. If you are feeling the stress caused by holiday gift shopping, paying for vacations or organising large family get-togethers, Try altering how you’ve done things before ever so slightly. Try to buy smaller gifts that reflect the person’s interest rather than trendy expensive gifts. You can show caring by getting something that you know is meaningful and personal but not necessarily a bank account buster. Much of the stress of holiday spending arises from lack of planning. People simply ‘wing it’ in the spending department, indulging their urges to spend, spend, spend, only to find that it added stress and not the other way around. Set a budget in advance and stick to it, no matter how tempting it may be to splurge. You’ll be surprised how relaxing a low credit card balance can be at the end of the year. Time Pressures: People shouldn’t have to put lives on pause or rearrange schedules because of the holidays. Remember to stay tuned in to who you are and don’t try to keep up with the schedules or expectations of others. Once again, planning ahead makes all the difference. If you know that holiday events and demands will add to your already over-booked schedule, make a conscious effort to organize your time so that even unexpected things are tolerable and even welcome. And, of course, make time for yourself, so that you can slow down long enough to take in all of the pleasures that this time of year can reveal to you. Health issues: If you or someone you are close to is ill it will likely be harder to partake in joyous events or feel happy yourself. Take time to value time together and don’t shy away from acknowledging pain or sadness. It can make everyone feel better to acknowledge illness and not try to pretend that everything is normal and fine. Often, such acknowledgement and the honest connection that goes along with it can lead to a kind of shift in perspective. You may even find that you’ll feel closer than ever to those you care about and take away cherished memories from the otherwise trying situation. Dealing with recent family tragedy, death or marriage/relationship break up: Sometimes the powers that be work on a different schedule that you would prefer. Some may be subject to the cruelest of timing and find themselves grieving a personal situation or loss at this time of year. Let them know that you care but give them the option to be involved in activities. If it’s you that finds yourself in a challenging situation, try to articulate what you need from those around you—let people know what you need and let them help. Lawyers are particularly circumspect about asking for help. We don’t let people see us sweat – we handle things. Let those you love love and help you. You not only gain personally, but you permit them the opportunity to garner the satisfaction of the most rewarding type of giving as well. We at OLAP wish you a happy, safe and restful holiday season. Don’t forget, however, that if you experience overwhelming stress, sadness or distress, confidential help is available for lawyers, law students, judges and their families at 1-877-576-6227. If you experience a particularly taste-bud-trying fruitcake, simply grin and bear it. It’s the holidays. Leota Embleton is Clinical Director at the Ontario Lawyers’ Assistance Program (OLAP). She is a Social Worker and Certified Addictions Counsellor.
Legal Profession Assistance Conference (LPAC) |Commission on Lawyer Assistance Programs (CoLAP) | Lawyers Assistance Program of British Columbia (BCLAP) | Nova Scotia Lawyers Assistance Program (NSLAP) | Law Society of Upper Canada (LSUC) | The Lawyers Assistance Program (LINK) | The Alberta Lawyers Assistance Program | Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (Saskatchewan) | The Lawyers Professional Indemnity Company (LawPRO) | Law Practice Consulting |
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