| THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM PROTECTING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS By: Leota Embleton, MSW, I.C.A.D.C. Program Manager, Ontario Bar Assistance Program “ Lawyers suffer inordinately from the defining symptom of our age—loneliness .” Benjamin Sells Close personal relationships are an important part of life. They add to enjoyment and fulfillment. Lawyers can unwittingly undermine close relationships with an adversarial approach. Legal training and work is intellectual, focused, hard driving and emotionally distant. Lawyers are taught to keep their minds unclouded by emotion in order to be effective in their work. This approach can be counterproductive and resented on the home front and emotional distance can cause havoc in relationships. Lawyers have a high rate of divorce. The following are some things to think about that can affect lawyers and their personal relationships.
Law school is a highly focused process that requires most students to sacrifice growth beyond and outside of the law. To the extent lawyers fail to rekindle inquiry in other fields, relationships suffer.
Lawyer couples are especially prone to unconsciously carry over their work persona to their personal lives without considering boundaries or the effect. The courtroom is a win-lose situation but the relationship setting needs looked at as a win-win scenario.
This requires shifting from the goal of gathering facts and sorting them into abstract categories to make a case. Emotions are as important as facts and need to be recognized and acknowledged in any healthy relationship.
In his book The Soul of the Law, Benjamin Sells describes the imposter syndrome as an internal, secret fear that the lawyer doesn’t know what he is doing and may be found out at any moment. If indeed he is found out it will result in failure and ridicule. This thinking eventually leads one to be cynical and to the assumption that everyone else is also covering up. This type of thinking and behaviour is not open and honest and the lawyer may become suspicious of the motives of others. This thinking becomes internalized and causes difficulties in personal relationships. Most lawyers say that relationships are of paramount importance to them and trouble within a relationship is the source of their greatest pain. It is worth the effort and time to communicate and understand those who are most important to us. Recommended reading: Benjamin Sells, The Soul of the Law: Understanding Lawyers and The Law, Element Books, Inc., Boston, 1994. ************************************************** This article was originally published in The Advocates’ Brief, March, 2003. Reprinted with permission.BACK TO MAIN LEOTA EMBLETON ARTICLES PAGE CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE (MS WORD)
Legal Profession Assistance Conference (LPAC) |Commission on Lawyer Assistance Programs (CoLAP) | Lawyers Assistance Program of British Columbia (BCLAP) | Nova Scotia Lawyers Assistance Program (NSLAP) | Law Society of Upper Canada (LSUC) | The Lawyers Assistance Program (LINK) | The Alberta Lawyers Assistance Program | Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (Saskatchewan) | The Lawyers Professional Indemnity Company (LawPRO) | Law Practice Consulting |
||||