THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM

“I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can”

Business was good, very good. In fact, Jay found that with the increased volume of court work, along with his dedication to two volunteer boards, that he was very busy. The fund raising campaign at the church was also about to begin. His days were long and very harried.

He often got to his office by 7:00 am and did not get home until sometimes 10:00 pm or later. Lunch was a gulped sandwich or nothing at all at his desk while he talked on the phone. Dinner was drive-through on the way to another meeting. Coffee was a crutch. His weekends were just as full with office work to keep just barely ahead of his commitments to clients. In what was left of his personal life, Jay was not very happy. He could not remember the last time he had sat down to dinner with his wife and family.

His kids were growing up, getting used to his absence. His wife did not seem to miss him any more and their love life was virtually nil. Sleep was difficult with racing thoughts, things that had to get done and fears of not being able to get everything finished at the highest quality he expected. Eventually, Jay found that he was getting progressively more tired. He was irritable and found concentration more difficult. Chest pains, migraines and stomach cramps were common. His doctor kept telling him that nothing was wrong physically. He took no pleasure in his favorite past time - the Blue Jays. In fact, during the World Series, he was at a meeting rather than at the final game. As his nervousness increased, he began to realize a tremendous loss of joy for life. At parties, he drank too much and ended up falling asleep snoring in a chair to the embarrassment of his wife, who would drive him home.

Criticism by his wife about never going to his kids’ games or talking to her were leading him to think about suicide--after all, he was doing all of this for his family.

Jay finally collapsed - physically and emotionally. A psychiatrist diagnosed severe depression caused by a chemical imbalance, along with an obsessive-compulsive disorder. With proper medication, self-awareness course work, 12 step Emotions Anonymous, family love and support and the help of an OLAP peer support lawyer who had experienced the same feelings and a similar life pattern, he returned to work some months later with a new view to balance in his life - self, family and work.

(July/August 1997)

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