| THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM A Letter to My Lawyer Spouse Dear Lawyer Spouse: It has been difficult to get your attention lately to talk. We just speak about “things”. So, I decided to communicate with you in the manner that you seem to understand best - the written word. I see you but you do not see that I am watching. You are tired and cranky and, when I ask what is going on you say “What stress! What responsibilities! I’m working too hard!” Other times you say, “It will get better when things settle down. This drink will ease things and help me sleep.” But it hasn’t gotten better. The stress is increasing, rather than decreasing. I’ve watched your career take a downhill slide from enthusiasm into dull routine into cynical despair. There are still moments of brilliance, of course. Your years of experience keep you near the top. You can do this stuff in your sleep, but, you fear that you cannot maintain it. You’ve said sometimes when you are willing to share your thoughts - “If only I could catch that old spark again. Where did it go? Is this all there is?” I see you falling into a stupor after a few drinks. You don’t call it passing out. It is “dozing” or “relaxing.” Only drunks “pass out.” You explained it to me patiently and “rationally”. You say you need this time to yourself to unwind. It’s a hard job and I must understand that this is your reward. Real drunks hide from life. You are celebrating life’s little victories. Besides, you don’t drink first thing in the morning; you’ve never had an impaired charge; you bring home the bacon; i t’s okay to have a few drinks each night. Anyway, remember when you quit for six months. An alcoholic couldn’t do that. You can control it. But, you are tired each morning. You fall asleep so easily after just a few drinks but you get up to get ice water to stop the cold sweats at 3:00 am. Your eyes are red from sleeplessness but you say it’s only the weird light in the bathroom. Your face is puffy. But, no big deal. It’s just in the morning and will go down later - but it doesn’t. It lasts longer into each day. It must be middle age when we thicken. Your skin is red. It’s not the sun or the healthy glow of exercise or a rash. Could it be the little capillaries busting up below the surface? You’ll ask your doctor when you see him. You say that you do not know how you get through your days. Maybe you are getting the flu. That’s why you have cold sweats and headaches until the fog lifts about noon with a little pick-me-up. Remember when it was fun to drink? You loved to party. All those other dull lawyers forgot how to have fun. So now you drink alone. When did things change? You drive home wondering if there is enough scotch or beer for the night. You don’t know how much cereal is in the box or milk in the carton but you know exactly the levels in each bottle. This is “efficient” not compulsive. I want to grab you by the beat up briefcase and shout “Wake up! Stop before it’s too late!” but any other time I tried to get your attention you had answers, accusations and insinuations. Where is the kind, gentle person with a sense of humour I used to know? Where? Help is available. Do not hesitate to call the Ontario Lawyers' Assistance Program (OLAP) - “lawyers helping lawyers”. (July/August 1999)
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