THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM

“It’s Only Marijuana!”

Cal had gone through university and law school smoking the occasional recreational joint. He liked marijuana because of the way it made him feel—so relaxed and carefree. As pressure mounted around exam time, this use seemed to increase but he was not worried because he could quit anytime he wanted. He had done so two or three times for a few months. So, no big deal. After graduating, Cal opened a practice with a classmate. He continued his marijuana use and even started getting his supply from “clients.” His practice blossomed along with his drug use. In a few years, he was using cocaine regularly, even carrying it around with him for when he needed to ease the stress. His partner discovered Cal’s stash by accident and there was a bitter fight. Cal insisted it was no big deal--”it’s only marijuana” but his partner also confronted him about the cocaine. He had found some syringes in Cal’s desk when he was looking for a file, and a small bag of white powder. Cal denied that they were his and felt that he was being accused unjustly. The partnership ended that day. Cal was on his own--his cocaine use rose; he missed court dates, forgot files, did not pay bills and spent his days obsessed with where he would get the money for more drugs. He had lost weight, slept little and had enormous difficulty keeping his mind focused. At court one day, Cal dragged himself in. He looked awful. Another lawyer, Bill, a recovering drug addict and OLAP peer support volunteer, watched Cal struggle through the morning. He had been there once himself. He had been rebuffed a few months ago when he tried to talk to Cal but Cal had become more ill over the last few months. Bill knew that Cal would die without help. Bill waited until the end of the day to ask Cal to have a bite to eat with him. Cal reluctantly agreed.

As they sat with Bill eating a sandwich and Cal watching (not hungry), Cal’s hands began to shake. Bill asked him how much cocaine he was taking daily. Cal swore and walked out. A few months later, Cal approached Bill in desperation. He had no money for drugs and was very ill physically. He asked Bill to help him. That day, he had Cal in hospital awaiting a bed at a nearby treatment facility. Bill visited daily. Bill and another recovering lawyer, Rick, told him their stories of hope about their addiction, their hitting bottom, treatment, living in recovery, Narcotics Anonymous and about OLAP’s willingness to help with peer support.

Cal spent 21 days in treatment. After discharge, Bill and Rick took Cal to 90 NA meetings in the next 90 days. They helped him to learn to live one day at a time. When he did go back to work, they kept in touch regularly. OLAP provides ongoing volunteer peer support to lawyers, judges and law students who suffer from addictions, eating disorders, stress and mental illness. Do not hesitate to call.

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