THE ONTARIO LAWYERS’ ASSISTANCE PROGRAM

Just Say “No”!

It was a Thursday morning when Sam finally said “No” to his wife, a prominent lawyer. Clair had been drinking very heavily the past year and then skipping work to “get over the flu”. Up to now, Sam had helped her out by phoning Clair’s supervising partner, Phillip or her secretary. Appointments often had to be changed quickly. Court files had to be reassigned. Apologies were often needed as well. When Clair was at work, “necessary” business lunches with drinks and clients were getting longer. Her associates who had to get adjournments and sometimes act at trials at the last moment were impatient with her. Her billings had dropped but she did not seem to care.

At home, Clair was also deteriorating. This optimistic, proud, confident woman now spent fearful nights with fitful sleeping, even after several drinks to “help” her sleep. She had abandoned all house-related responsibilities to Sam. Their relationship was suffering. She did not want to see friends. Her only solution was to have another drink to calm her nerves.

Sam patiently tried to talk to Clair about his concerns in a loving, non-judgmental way. She became furious, saying that there was nothing wrong (in fact, things were great at work!) and that if there were any problems, they were in Sam’s mind alone. However, Clair did not know that Phillip had called Sam to compassionately discuss Clair’s increasing use of alcohol, her missing days at work and her change in attitude. The fact was that, if this went on any longer, Clair would not be welcome to stay. Phillip told Sam about OLAP and how it would provide ongoing peer support to help Clair face her illness while knowing that she was not alone.

So, that Thursday when Clair asked Sam to call the office, he finally said “NO”. After a vicious verbal attack on Sam, she called Phillip herself to say she could not make it in. He told her that that was unacceptable because of the trial she had committed to that day but he would get her assistance rather than have someone else pick up the file cold. He expected her in by 10:00 am.

Her enablers, the persons that had covered for Clair to make her drinking possible, had, at last said “NO”. At the end of the day, Clair was called to Phillip’s office. In attendance were her husband, her parents, her secretary and her employer. Each of them gave her detailed examples of her alcoholic behavior over the last six months. She was told that, despite her denial and explosive anger, they loved her and wanted to get help. A bed was arranged in a nearby treatment facility and Sam would take Clair directly there. Her files had been reassigned temporarily and her family would visit daily. The answer to “What if I won’t go?” was met with firm statements of probable loss of job and family. They were here to save her life, not let her continue to kill herself in front of them a little bit each day. She went into treatment and has been sober for four months, one day at a time.

The Ontario Lawyers’ Assistance Program (OLAP) provides ongoing volunteer peer support to lawyers, judges and law students who suffer from addictions and mental health issues. Please do not hesitate to call.

(March/April 1999)

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